Once again, I've got this dismal feeling of not being able to achieve what I know I'm fully capable of. Sure, I should just play basketball for the love of the game but maybe I want too badly to do better. Sure, I should study for the pure love of knowledge but maybe I just want too badly to enhance my CV and resume for medical school. They say life is a balancing act, but it's just so much easier to fall into the net. That, or just learn how to fly. But we all know human anatomy can't facilitate avian flight.
My performance at practice today was sub par. My knees have been killing me lately. Thinking so much about midterms and all this pressure I put on myself. Thinking about how much I miss my boyfriend, friends, and family. How badly I want to learn Cantonese so that I don't need a translator every time Coach coaches the team. I know the teammates don't mind but this dependence is eating me up on the inside. If I could devote a couple of months to just learning the language--never mind the academics--if only, if only.
I'll be screwed if I keep this mindset. My confidence started out low when I came here. But I set out here to find that confidence. And find it I shall. I've got to tone down thinking about myself so much, too. There's too many amazing people in my life~ and I should learn to honestly invest in friendship and love more.
P.S. I miss you so much Hieu :'(.
... and of course, the family!
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