Living with regret

Regret (n) - a sense of loss, disappointment, dissatisfaction, etc.

There's always something. Something we have to live by.

Word is out now that a fellow international student in her last year here suddenly passed away last Saturday. She was in my Mandarin class in my first semester at HKUST and I still remember her warmth and her pretty smile. I wish we had talked more...

Since our lives only crossed paths briefly, the depth of my feelings go a few steps past general human sympathy, but I know so many other people are grieving on a deeper and more profound level and that... that is what makes me really sad.

It's always these moments that make us realize how quickly a life can just end.

Regret can be such a sad thing... not saying goodbye... never reconciling differences... not having the chance to tell someone how much you care about them... never getting that heart-to-heart with someone. When a life is lost, it's almost always about what you didn't do rather than what you did. Because actions of the heart can undo the things you might have done but if you never take the initiative, then that's regret. I can't imagine losing someone close to me. I can't... and I don't ever want to imagine such a thing... but it's a sad reality that life is not something to be taken for granted and we need to keep that in mind whenever we have friction with those we love.

Depending on the kind of regret you live by, regret can make you a person for the worst or for the better. It's always going to be what you make of it. There's the kind of regret I described above which might motivate us to treasure those around us or cause us to be cynical towards the world.

Then there are regrets over the mistakes you made. I know I've done some things in the past I'm not too proud of.

But I wouldn't want to have a spotless track record, you know? Regret gives me some definition. I mean, sure, maybe life would be different if that thing didn't happen. I'm prone to thinking that in some ways, life would be better.

But how much better would it be, really? The events and circumstances surrounding our life are just that 10% of what happens to us. Just how gracefully would I have reacted to a life full of perfection and a slate wiped clean of mistakes? Regret gives me something to react to. I'm compelled to do something about that regret.

So I've got my regret to live against. And I've got the future to live for.

Rest in peace Yelim...

Running: Health for the Soul

It rained today. I've been meaning to take a jog for a while now and as I walked out with my Zune mp3 player, I knew it was going to be a good run. The athletics field looked beautiful with water gleaming from the surface and I thought... "This is home. A solitary run by myself, with my music, enjoying myself, away from meaningless distractions in the world." I never felt so close to myself before... I just wish I hadn't gone out so late. I was only able to complete 2.5K at the track before it closed so I decided to continue by running around Seafront for a bit.

I suppose I've been pretty emotional lately and sensitive to inspiration. More recently, I've decided to stop playing basketball with the team for a while. It's what I have to do to keep my mental health up because as you can recall from previous entries, basketball has been both a source of turmoil and love--bad combination... just like an unhealthy relationship. Avoiding the mental stress and hard feelings will be good for me. Though.... it really feels like a breakup.

I'm going to run 10K in the Standard Chartered Hong Kong Marathon. Exciting stuff! The only problem is that I haven't really done serious running since high school 5K competitions.

My personal best for the 5K is 23:15 on a course with a lot of hills and even then that was in 9th grade before my knee injury and before surgery. I know things have never been the same since my knee injury but if I could do it before, if I work hard enough, I can be there again. My goal is to get 10K under 50 minutes.

For the months of October and November, I'll probably try my best to work from 3K to 5K (hopefully benchmark my progress by returning to 23:15 for 5K). I'll work on speed by aiming for 68 seconds in the 400m by January. =)

December and January will be dedicated to working my way up to 10K without stopping, once a week.

Let the training begin!!!

On another note, I've really been blessed with roommates who are watching over me and my health (I guess that's what I get for joining Fitness Connection). One roommate gave me some really delicious medicine. Unfortunately, they have been adamant about not letting me eating chocolate and things that will delay my full recovery. I like my chocolate but I love them for caring. :)

Also, Jessica's growing an apple seed.

iPhone craze and a pie chart

The picture on the right was taken on a hiking trip in Pasadena over the past summer. I love the outdoors... and I love being active. I firmly believe that the body and the mind are two parts of a complete whole and each has a need for the other. But this post isn't about that.

*insert smooth transition here*

Hong Kong is all about trends. Things become popular fast and in waves, which means things don't die out that quickly either. That's why every time you walk in the MTR, you are almost certain to see someone in the same compartment playing on an iPhone. It's the new "it" phone and a fad which has a tempting and lasting power on consumers. I admit... I've wanted one. Its functionality, ease-of-use... and just the fact that everyone has one! The many different covers available out there make it so hard to resist. iPhone covers are sold in almost half of the shops at the Ladies Market and you can almost instantly find one in any street shop or MTR. They give that illusion of uniqueness--you can choose your favorite color or cartoon character. "Yeah, I have an iPhone, look at my cool cover!"

It is a well-known fact that the Apple market in Hong Kong is incredibly omnipotent. Everything is so well-advertised. And most consumers, surprisingly, don't mind being victims. It is a good product, after all, but its performance as a smartphone pales in comparison with some of its competitors. Again, it's marketing at work. That and the fact that the anti-capitalist sentiment you find in the USA is almost absent in Hong Kong, at least in the people I've talked to.

Another point of observation is that technology is so immersive these days. Remember when video games were just up, down, left, and right in a 2-D world? Imagine how far its come since then and notice how it made the transition to handheld devices. You will see most people in the MTR wrapped up in an iPhone game, texting, browsing the internet on their smartphone, listening to music through their headphones, talking on the phone, or simply browsing whatever electronic device they have because there's nothing else to do.

Don't get me wrong. I'm glad technology has the capacity to cure boredom during your travels... and I don't see anything wrong in doing so in moderation while traveling on the MTR... but I fear the implications this has for our future. The real world will become more surreal than the immersive technological world we delve ourselves into. Functionality outside of technology might just become awkward and, I believe, the rift between the human mind and the body will become even greater. Ohh, now you see the connection with the photo? I value how physical activity gives us a sense of being alive. Technology just feels dead after some time.

The observation is easy to make but... what about solutions? I don't know, I'm still thinking...

Speaking of technology, I did an analysis of why I have so many friends on Facebook and how that even happened. My hypothesis was that I have a lot of different places to come from with a lot of opportunities to meet people. I estimated it as this (and no, I'm not bored out of my mind... I was just curious):

The friends of friends category was surprisingly large, but it also includes other categories such as when I worked at UCLA for a summer or family friends, et cetera. In the end, it was just interesting data and in no way suggests anything about my social behavior. What? I'm not a sociologist!!