Remembering Boston

Maybe it's because running represents so much to me and has always been close to my heart. Maybe it's because I've been a long time Boston fan or because I have friends in and from Boston and one of them in Boston is also into running. Maybe I'm just really sensitive.

I read about the Boston Marathon while I was in class and it just brought tears to my eyes. Marathons are supposed to represent something about the human endeavor, human endurance, and strength. In Boston especially, I feel, it's about true grit and going the distance (read: Celtics). To imagine myself even running the race, let alone witnessing an explosion... I was paralyzed. Running in Boston would have been entirely possible for me in the future and I might have just finished in 4 hours...

I don't know why anyone would do this and I don't have anything profound to say. Just that I'm sad. I'm sad and I feel so incapacitated. Like there's nothing I can do for the world. I have no monetary assets or the physical capacity to go to Boston and help.

Who would do such a thing? I don't know but I concur with those who say that this is not just an attack on America, but an attack on all nations. Nevermind that it was on Patriot's Day... it was still horrible for everyone around the world. It is an attack on humanity and its endurance and strength. The Boston Marathon, like the Standard Chartered, is a global event that invites the best runners from all different nations. It was also an attack on all runners who see running as a metaphor for their own life. Did you know that the Boston Marathon is the world's oldest annual marathon? Do think of those runners who trained through so many months and have all of that culminate into two horrific explosions meant to take lives? They were supposed to be champions in their own mind--believing that they can do anything and overcome human obstacles. Instead, they find tragedy.It makes me mad and disgusted at anyone who would do this. What did the world ever do to you? Do you not believe in humanity? It's just hard for me to believe such people/groups exist. And yet, they've always been around. With different motives, backgrounds, anything I might have to think of that would mitigate the poison of hate I might feel.

If anything, the sole beacon of hope that comes from this is realizing just how much you need to treasure those you hold dear. All I can do is pray. All I know is that my duty now is to be that world citizen I aspire to be. And to do my best in my endeavors so that somehow I'll make positive differences wherever I go.

My One Great Freedom

Look how far I've come. Written December 2008:

Freedom--to do as I please, to choose according to free will--is not mine.

Why? Because, today, I am aiming above the influence of normal standards. I am bound to everything I dedicate myself to.

I am a subtle leader, I admit, because I influence with my love for whatever I do. In high school, I was a varsity athlete in cross country and track and field. But I do not believe it was purely skill that allowed me to be a team captain in both sports. It was bondage. "Sustained motivation" and "hard work" were my mantras in high school athletics. I love Track like hydronium loves hydroxide. We can never be apart. My coaches in middle school awarded me with "Most Motivational" in basketball and track and field, and then again in high school when I ran cross country despite a recent recovery from knee surgery. I became team manager of track when I could not join because of this same surgery. I even continue running with an informal club at Fullerton College. We call ourselves "Club Sexy" but you would laugh if you saw its constituents.

More seriously, however, I am also thoroughly subjected to my past. I must consummate an American Dream. Ghostly memories of epic parent arguments, holes in the walls at our old condominium, crying and wishing that they would not fight reside in my memory. But these would not mean anything if, as the years went by, improvement had never followed. As the oldest daughter in the family, I had weathered with my parents 91.67% of their marriage life. My parents, who were themselves slaves to that intangible American Dream, were the ones who taught me that life is worth forging through. Eventually, we settled into a better environment. My mom stayed at home by agreement while my dad provided what he could by working the night shift and overtime for extra pay. My dad, a former smoker and drinker, lacked an adequate college education, going only as far as an associate's degree. Furthermore, part of the reason I am now at community college is the assumption of care for my sisters: taking them to school, giving them advice, helping them with homework, and allowing each a smooth transition into high school and middle school. Hence, I have a faith, a home, a dog, a trusted education system, and an environment of relative comfort for myself and my sisters; I retain a facsimile of the American Dream with a solemn twist: the demands for sacrifices of comfort, full awareness of disadvantage, and sheer determination always come along for the joyride. Yet the curtains have not dropped just yet.

My enslavement has shaped who I am, yet not as eloquently as one expects. It is a difficult. Kate Chopin believed that living souls have the desires to escape the norm, transcend all the limitations of class and gender roles, and obtain real individual freedom. Yet, to distort her creed, I have escaped the norm by restricting myself to my passions and my past; I am content with my limitations, but my restrictions empower my transcendence, just as my physical limitations empowered me with leadership in athletics; and my one great freedom, which belongs only to me, is the freedom to be restricted by that which I love.

In a snippet of the future:

"The man who sees me in my office wears a bright blue tie with a criss-cross pattern to it. He is a simple man in conduct and a father attached to hope. His five-year old daughter has cerebral palsy and I have been specially trained to help through my work in college.

"She reminds me of one of the kids I used to see at church, where I served as a Children's Praise Leader. She was Japanese, named Manae, who loved tigers. So I drew one for her and she smiled sweetly and told me that tigers don't have stripes on their underbelly. My vision for the future while I was in college included using even small things like a hint of artistic talent that would light up a child's life.

"But if I could bring the same kind of joy to any family, it would surely be through this job as an occupational physical therapy. My specialty? Pediatric neurological disorders.

"I watch as the five-year old looks at my pictures as an athletic leader in high school and the one with the athletic trainer that Aide I worked with as a Volunteer. Then she looks at an old picture in high school where I'm wearing a large leg brace. It was this particular turn in my life that caused me to believe that our perceived limitations could be outdone. My ACL Reconstruction Surgery first led me to sportstherapy, but after volunteering at different places, I decided that path was too boring.

"Research beckoned and the fascinating (and gratifying) call of a unique specialty such as this truly made me extend my boundaries."

In a more current frame:

In high school, my favorite school club was the Environmental Science Club because we were making a difference. As Recycling Director, I wanted change and I wanted to see it done with style. I learned as much as any kid would about dedication. Every week, I biked forty minutes to school on Saturday to do recycling collection and, every week, I helped process the cans and bottles at the Stater Brothers fifteen minutes away. Slowly, I began to see my friends growing green-conscious—not only because the world was getting greener, but because I was part of a club of enzymes, lowering the activation energy.

In college, it was no surprise that I would jump at the newly formed Environmental Protection Agency. Using my past experience on the Publicity Team at Oxford Academy, I became Publicity Officer. Making small changes through this club is satisfying.

Positive change is gratifying, period. That's why I want to get a head start in research and dedicate myself to whatever I do, wherever I go in these next few years.