Freedom--to do as I please, to choose according to free will--is not mine.
Why? Because, today, I am aiming above the influence of normal standards. I am bound to everything I dedicate myself to.
I am a subtle leader, I admit, because I influence with my love for whatever I do. In high school, I was a varsity athlete in cross country and track and field. But I do not believe it was purely skill that allowed me to be a team captain in both sports. It was bondage. "Sustained motivation" and "hard work" were my mantras in high school athletics. I love Track like hydronium loves hydroxide. We can never be apart. My coaches in middle school awarded me with "Most Motivational" in basketball and track and field, and then again in high school when I ran cross country despite a recent recovery from knee surgery. I became team manager of track when I could not join because of this same surgery. I even continue running with an informal club at Fullerton College. We call ourselves "Club Sexy" but you would laugh if you saw its constituents.
More seriously, however, I am also thoroughly subjected to my past. I must consummate an American Dream. Ghostly memories of epic parent arguments, holes in the walls at our old condominium, crying and wishing that they would not fight reside in my memory. But these would not mean anything if, as the years went by, improvement had never followed. As the oldest daughter in the family, I had weathered with my parents 91.67% of their marriage life. My parents, who were themselves slaves to that intangible American Dream, were the ones who taught me that life is worth forging through. Eventually, we settled into a better environment. My mom stayed at home by agreement while my dad provided what he could by working the night shift and overtime for extra pay. My dad, a former smoker and drinker, lacked an adequate college education, going only as far as an associate's degree. Furthermore, part of the reason I am now at community college is the assumption of care for my sisters: taking them to school, giving them advice, helping them with homework, and allowing each a smooth transition into high school and middle school. Hence, I have a faith, a home, a dog, a trusted education system, and an environment of relative comfort for myself and my sisters; I retain a facsimile of the American Dream with a solemn twist: the demands for sacrifices of comfort, full awareness of disadvantage, and sheer determination always come along for the joyride. Yet the curtains have not dropped just yet.
My enslavement has shaped who I am, yet not as eloquently as one expects. It is a difficult. Kate Chopin believed that living souls have the desires to escape the norm, transcend all the limitations of class and gender roles, and obtain real individual freedom. Yet, to distort her creed, I have escaped the norm by restricting myself to my passions and my past; I am content with my limitations, but my restrictions empower my transcendence, just as my physical limitations empowered me with leadership in athletics; and my one great freedom, which belongs only to me, is the freedom to be restricted by that which I love.
In a snippet of the future:
"The man who sees me in my office wears a bright blue tie with a criss-cross pattern to it. He is a simple man in conduct and a father attached to hope. His five-year old daughter has cerebral palsy and I have been specially trained to help through my work in college.
"She reminds me of one of the kids I used to see at church, where I served as a Children's Praise Leader. She was Japanese, named Manae, who loved tigers. So I drew one for her and she smiled sweetly and told me that tigers don't have stripes on their underbelly. My vision for the future while I was in college included using even small things like a hint of artistic talent that would light up a child's life.
"But if I could bring the same kind of joy to any family, it would surely be through this job as an occupational physical therapy. My specialty? Pediatric neurological disorders.
"I watch as the five-year old looks at my pictures as an athletic leader in high school and the one with the athletic trainer that Aide I worked with as a Volunteer. Then she looks at an old picture in high school where I'm wearing a large leg brace. It was this particular turn in my life that caused me to believe that our perceived limitations could be outdone. My ACL Reconstruction Surgery first led me to sportstherapy, but after volunteering at different places, I decided that path was too boring.
"Research beckoned and the fascinating (and gratifying) call of a unique specialty such as this truly made me extend my boundaries."
In a more current frame:
In high school, my favorite school club was the Environmental Science Club because we were making a difference. As Recycling Director, I wanted change and I wanted to see it done with style. I learned as much as any kid would about dedication. Every week, I biked forty minutes to school on Saturday to do recycling collection and, every week, I helped process the cans and bottles at the Stater Brothers fifteen minutes away. Slowly, I began to see my friends growing green-conscious—not only because the world was getting greener, but because I was part of a club of enzymes, lowering the activation energy.
In college, it was no surprise that I would jump at the newly formed Environmental Protection Agency. Using my past experience on the Publicity Team at Oxford Academy, I became Publicity Officer. Making small changes through this club is satisfying.
Positive change is gratifying, period. That's why I want to get a head start in research and dedicate myself to whatever I do, wherever I go in these next few years.
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