On the one hand, we're each others' alarm clocks. On the other hand, it sucks that one of us has to be incredibly tired when the other is fully awake. It's not what I'm used to. When we were in the same time zone, I could call him and talk to him for up to an hour before bed. We would talk about our day and I would just feel so connected to his life. I just can't have that satisfaction anymore.
I don't know how else to put it. It's just so beaver dam hard.
When I'm up to my neck in work and tears and stress from school, I'm glad he's there for me. I'm glad he'll put up with my craziness when I'm stressed out. He'll be on the phone with me and answer all my stupid questions and listen to all my rantings and my mild insecurities. I'm thankful he'll talk to me on the phone even though all I'll probably do is complain. It's a big effort for him on his part because of the time difference. He's just waking up when it's my night time and I want to talk to him about my problems.
In addition to that, I crave some kind of physical intimacy for comfort. I miss his hug and his shoulder and the feel of his breath when he whispers in my ear. I miss his soft kiss on my forehead. He's where I'm certain I can become stronger. When he's there to support me and standing by my side, I feel confident to say "challenge accepted." He's that tall glass of lemonade on a summer day.
Without the physical comfort of our relationship, I have to accept the fact that all I can have are morning calls, late night calls, calls at odd hours of the night, delayed emails, and the occasional multi-hour-long skype date which can only be on the weekends. I swear, it gets more difficult as time goes on. Tiredness and exhaustion is a spiraling vortex for us. No matter how hard we try to keep a consistent time together, our schedules are always so different and changing (mine especially since I'm so busy all the time).
For me, my biggest problem is expecting too much all the time. I dunno. The time zone clash is so taxing on our relationship, I always forget that he tries his best to talk to me even though he's really tired; that along with a whole variety of other things. I get mad at him when he's not very responsive and I can become impatient. Most problems can be attributed to the time zone difference, the limitations of technology, and the difference in our communication styles.
The only things that keeps me alive are treasuring the past and living in the present.
It's worth it. We'll be together in the end <3.
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