The alchemist and a physical therapist

"Everyone seems to have a clear idea of how other people should lead their lives, but none about his or her own."

"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity."

In desperate need of some motivation, I finished re-reading Paul Coelho's "The Alchemist." If you haven't read this book, I suggest you go buy it at the HKUST library. And if you're not sure you want to buy it, read the preface first.

The full effect of reading it was not as strong as it was the first time I read it in high school. Maybe it's because I'm going through some spiritually dry times in my life. I really don't know. I know I've set my ambitions for certain things... a research career... medical research?

But.

I'm beginning to wonder if what I want from life, what I've told myself about the career I want, is not suitable. REDbird helped me see that I need to keep re-assessing myself and the journey I'm on.

It's true that I love biology research. It's true that I love the scientific and academic community. But these days I keep going back to the days I wanted to become a physical therapist. When I found the most joy out of physical exercise and I enjoyed taking care of and interacting with people on a personal level. The profession was a "tough love" profession and I loved that.

It's true that, in my current position, there's still some flexibility in my future. However, being unsure of what I want has me utterly demotivated.

Basically, I have two issues:

1. Maybe I'm too scared of the sacrifices I'll need to make in order to pursue the career that I say I want or I'm too discouraged by my current situation.
2. Maybe I only selected the ambition because I wanted the "glory" of an MD/PhD title. When actually all I really want is to help people develop the way I've always known.

If you think carefully about my life events, my hobbies, and what I've always enjoyed, most things fit my desire to be a pediatric physical therapist.
* I love kids.
* I enjoy taking care of others.
* I like meeting people from different backgrounds.
* I love love love sports.
* I enjoy taking the road less traveled.
* I interact best with people in small group settings or one on one and I can't live without this interaction.

But the problem, when I thought about it more carefully at that time, was the job certainty for physical therapists in the future. When I found out my other strengths... decency at math and classical physics and a love for problem solving, I figured switching to engineering instead of kinesiology seemed sensible, more "impressive," and offered more job certainty. Where's the sense in that?

I'm really forced to wonder: what the heck am I doing?