Baggage (juneblog #2)

As I was packing my things, deciding what to keep and what to donate or throw away, I realized that this was not the only type of baggage I had.

Life is a journey and naturally, we need to take things with us. Things that are necessary to our survival and things that carry meaning for us. We call these things "life skills." But other things can be collected too... Feelings of love, feelings of responsibility and gratitude, knowledge from school, attachments to pet animals, attachments to people that bring negativity to your life, emotional residues (leftover resentment for how previous relationships changed me), unnecessary tidbits of information (did you know Kim and Kanye are having a girl?), you get the picture.

But possessions can accumulate if we are not carefully filtering the important things. I am a hoarder in real life. My car used to be filled with old class notes that I'd never look at again, my wallets used to brim with old receipts that I'd never need to use later, I have old scrapbooks and boxes and boxes of things I find sentimental--some so ridiculous like movie or museum tickets. In the same way, I am a hoarder of emotional and mental  baggage. No, I don't hold grudges, but I do tend to hang on to feelings of elation or feelings of anger (at myself) longer than I should. I tend to put too many activities on my plate--more than I can handle--and later I wont have the mental strength to power through them. I tend to hang on to the idea that I have to be the best at everything. I tend to be insecure and I tend to be unhappy with where I am at in life. I've hung on to my past and blamed it more than I need to.

To me, I sound ridiculously broken. But that's always been me. I've always had a very cluttered mind and I guess that also means I've always had a very cluttered heart. I even carry a lot of baggage physically- with the tell tale signs of finals and hell week and holiday weight on my belly and hips.

So what lessons can I take away from my short stint in Hong Kong? It has been a long process of filtering out the unimportant and focusing on the things that matter. As I packed my belongings I've had to toss out stuff I frivolously thought were of value but never realized they didn't have any long term value. If I took more things than I needed on my back, I would struggle to carry huge bags around when moving forward in life.  When it comes down to it, very few things matter in life. You decide what they are for you. Ill hold on to my own dreams and loved ones, too.

* Today, I returned my PRS and have almost settled everything with the financial office. Some crazy stuff happening but yeah, I'll be on a plane soon!

* I also saw Miranda and Shin-shin! Two people ill miss dearly. I hadn't talked to Shin for a while but it was nice to see her again. I remember during my year 1 we all went out to Mong Kok to hang out together. I think that was the first time we all really felt close because we had so much fun together? What a nice way to spend my second to last night in HK, in Mong Kok, with those 2 again. All that was missing was the sticky photos. But a chat over ice cream, hot chocolate, and brownies is nice, too! Miranda still has to send me the photo with all 3 of usss so I'll edit this post with the pictures later~

 ♥ Present (June 2013)

♥ Past (December 2010)

30 Days of Blogging #1

I'm not one to update my blog every day; I don't even know if I'm capable of it, but Sitt tagged me and the month of June is probably going to be full of things to blog about so here we go.

Well, because of some issues with the financial aid office, I've had to delay my flight to the Philippines. That makes me sad because that means there's less time to meet my cousins. It's gonna be the first time I see my extended family on the "Villaroman" side. And if y'all know, besides Daniel at HKUST, I don't really know any others by my surname. In addition, my tita and her husband run a Muay Thai camp near Manila and it sounds like a lot of fun. I've always wanted to devote my time to fitness but have always been torn between that and academics. Alas...

After June 4th (moving day), my friend was nice enough to let me sleep over at her place in Tai Po Tsai. I know now, after packing everything, that I am not a pathological hoarder. I've had to throw away a bunch of notes and I've decided to donate a bunch of my books and clothes. To be honest, I am very happy to leave behind this life in Hong Kong. If there's anything I've learned it's to be thankful for what I have and where I am. I've learned the values of simplicity and focus. And, well, I'm pretty sure I'm ready for what life has to throw at me. Reflection on HK life to come... later...

My goals for this summer are:

- Get fit! (lose 10 lbs) I always make this goal... sigh... but I never get there. I suck.
- Get happy! This is easier said than done. I just need some clarity and a focused mind.
- Travel! in the U.S. of A.

Come with me on this 30 day blogging journey :).

Currently Reading:

reading material courtesy of CY

A letter to my educators and mentors (draft)

"Education."

--connotes many strong ideas. Coming from Asian-American heritage, I've constantly been told that 'education is my wealth' and I need to focus on it, get a degree, and then get a high-paying job which would build upon the life my parents worked so hard to achieve. And, in my opinion, seeing it as a means to an end is not a bad way to see it at all.

However, going through the education system, I have started to develop my own ideas about what education really is and what the education system means to me.

Through much of my life, I'd been exposed to a lot of different ideas about education. Most ideas revolve around a contrast between focusing on test-based learning and nurturing creativity. In truth, measuring performance and talent by tangible or quantitative data (like salary, grant amount, test scores, or brand names) is an unavoidable practice. But that's not to say that proponents for change are unnecessary. The teachers I find most important in my life are those that have made a point to teach past the tests. Or, rather, they stand by the idea that learning is for the sake of problem solving and the creative process. They stand by the idea that great minds are cultivated and not merely spoon-fed.

Beside the typical ideals, however, I believe that the education system should be a means of "paying forward." I mean, paying thousands of dollars for a degree is nuts but all big investments are. Through it all, I feel heavily indebted to professors and mentors who've not only taught me to appreciate their disciplines, but who have done practical things for me as well. They've been an ear to my personal struggles, written letters of recommendations, and given me opportunities I might not have obtained on my own. The email I send once in a blue moon to update them on my endeavors would never be enough. Yet, I feel like I don't have enough to thank them with. I feel like I don't know how to thank them. Or maybe it is enough and it's just a facet of my character to feel extremely indebted?

This self-examination brought me to my current state of mind.

You could argue that many professors are only about vocational ambition--that rearing successful students is just a bragging right or that their research accomplishments are simply a means to fame and promotions just like any occupation. There are many instances where this might be true. And the reality is that some of my former teachers just didn't exude any sparks of inspiration to students. Or, you hear about teachers on tenure that simply "DGAF." You could look at it very cynically.

But without knowing this contrast, I would not feel as fortunate and grateful to have been under the wings of passionate and talented educators. Further to that, these ones helped me realize that becoming an educator means that you dedicate your life to giving. In a system where schooling is an obligatory component of life, that could go unnoticed by a student. You commit your time, resources, and knowledge to young minds. Your job is to pass on the proverbial torch to the next generation.  And the results could be mixed. Sometimes you get a really nice crop. Sometimes you get late bloomers (I consider myself one of them). Sometimes, no matter how much you tend the garden, you feel discouraged.

I wouldn't say that I am successful now or even that I predict great success in my future. Many of my peers are more successful than I am. However, if there was anything I had to say to my mentors, it is written in this letter. It is an IOU of sorts.

The bottom line is that education gave me an opportunity to, put in comical terms, "use my powers for good"  and eventually make something of my life for the good of others. The word "others" can mean different things to different people: society, your country, your community, your loved ones. Education is empowering in this sense. Put idealistically, it continuously enables my power and freedom to make a difference.

My great debt to my mentors is simply to pay it forward. My ultimate job is to educate--not necessarily as a teacher or professor but even as a normal human being.

I will strive use my powers for good and I accept this great responsibility as a lifelong learner. And, yes, I will strive for my own personal success but I will also find success by enabling others to be successful somewhere down the line. This is the true task set before me as I approach the end of my undergraduate education.